The Road To.....

I am finding myself changing lanes a lot in 2018. In January, I thought for sure that the start of this month would lead me to packing my bags and moving to Bentonville, AR. Then my group got selected to go to Leadville, and I figured it would be more fun to head there for the next few months to train and have fun. I started calling around and making plans on where to stay and ride starting in May. I was going to couch surf my way to Leadville. And then the phone rang.

Starting later this month, I get to begin my career as a firefighter for the Henderson Fire Department. I wasn't expecting this call, I wasn't planning on staying in Indiana. But life doesn't really care about our plans. 

I am known for making impulsive decisions. I wasn't in a great place last year health, emotionally and physically. I put myself into debt by trying to prove I could take care of myself. I shut out people so they didn't have to see me struggle and pushed away the ones who caught a glimpse. I thought last year was hard, but I made it harder on myself. And I wanted to get out. I had a job lined up in Bentonville. I had my apartment packed and Louis prepped for a road trip party. Insert Joyce Hammel who was not about me going from one not great situation to another with no one nearby to help if things really blew up in my face. Which they mostly do.

I came home, I worked to focus on paying off bills and credit cards I had used to pay for bills. I made a dent and that feels good. I am back to being able to train for races without killing myself. Not everything is perfect. I'm still on the strugglebus romantically, but it will pass.

I did my first race of 2018 and felt great about it. It was nice to be on the bike and ride with cool people and pinpoint areas I need to work on to get stronger. I'm still not obsessed with gravel, but it does lead you to some beautiful views. Might as well smile and enjoy it while suffering!