February: I went to the doctor for a regular old check up and had a full pelvic exam done with some scraping samples sent off. A couple weeks later I got called saying they found a tumor on my ovary that they wanted to get out right away. I decided in my mind that it would be fine and nothing would change. Sitting on a bike saddle sucked. Like, a lot.
March: My doctor was happy that they were able to get the tumor, but could still see some tiny floating tumors that she wasn't happy about. She wanted to start me on radiation and chemo right away. My tires on my car were all bald and died on a trip to Chattanooga. That same weekend, I crashed my car into a fence and watched a board go right in front of my face. I was fine.
April: I started chemo. I had 3 appointments throughout the week. Radiation, chemo, radiation. I had a lot of people tell me what to expect with chemo and I was fucking scared out of my mind. I had to participate in a group therapy with other chemo patients once a week. I was always so sore. My chemo appointments lasted about 30 minutes. I got to see a lot of the same people every time I went. My biggest side effects were killer mood swings, not eating food, and throwing up a lot. April was my least favorite month ever.
May-October: I moved from chemo once a week, to once a month. It was kind of a mind fuck. I would have a pretty normal week, get chemo and be sick and tired for about two weeks and then start to feel okay and then hey look, chemo again. Yay. I was kind of dumb by putting all this pressure on myself to stay fit and healthy. Doing that made me lose my mind while losing my endurance, which really wasn't the most important part of what was happening. But when you are in it, you can't see that shit. You just want to do your normal thing. Oh, I'm not going to die? Okay I'm going to do everything to pretend everything is normal then.
So, fuck you 2017, you piece of garbage of a year. After going through all of this and taking a moment in therapy to talk about what makes me happy, I realized that I'm ready for a next chapter. Evansville has been fucking great and I have made some lifelong friends, but I want to follow my passion. And I just think that training and riding and living in Bentonville, AR is the next chapter for that. I have 1000% set my mind to this. So I didn't renew my lease on my apartment, I quit my job and I'm living at home saving some money until I go in March. I'm excited, nervous, uncomfortable, freaking out, happy, crying. I am all the emotions, but I am feeling better and healthier and happier.