A Lot Can Change in Six Months

Like A LOT can change! I was 100% moving 6 months ago, focusing on mtg training and figuring out what was next careerwise. It was on a long road ride in Janurary that I got a call about a job with the fire department that I had already written off. Saying yes to that job will probably be one of the best decisions I will ever make.

I moved back to Evansville, ready to tackle on firefighting training and Leadville training. I assumed they would go hand in hand. I was not expecting for firefighting training to kick my are as hard as it did. After the first two weeks, i was able to admit that there was going to be no way I could do both and excel at them. I made the tough decision to defer my Leadville entry to next year. I put off training on the bike to work on getting my skills down for my new job. Something I wish I had done last year while going through chemo and radiation. I placed so much focus on not getting weak physically, that I became weak mentally. I couldn't cut myself any slack and I got angry at people I was close to. Luckily I have some pretty bomb friends who still love and put up with my bullshit today.

I'm about to graduate from training and go on shift, and I am ready! I have been feeling great lately, and part of that is because I have learned to let go when things, or people, hurt you more than help. Cutting out training and racing was so hard, and I can't wait to get back to it. Cutting out people is even harder because we want to blame ourselves. And to a point, it is your fault. Getting out of a three year relationship this year was incredibly hard and I thought I would be lonely and sad without them. But being told constantly that he wanted to not tell people until he felt like no one would judge him, and the back and forth of his complicated personal life really weighed down on how I was reacting to others. And again, I am lucky that I have the amazing friends that I do who listened to me cry and complain and get mad at them because of something he did and not hate me is pretty great. He did some pretty shitty things and he gets to tell his friends a version of our story that makes him look good while telling me that I ruined his life, I ultimately made the choice of staying and putting up with it. And I wasn't the nicest towards the end either. I went batshit crazy. But I have healed, physically and especially mentally.

We have to take care of ourselves to the best we can. Plans change, life happens. Don't be afraid to make hard choices even if they hurt at the time. The greatest thing I learned last year is that if people offer to help, Don't be afraid to take it. Because I was until I couldn't be independent anymore. I had a family to fall back on. And they helped me get into the place I am now. And I am enjoying my friends and life so hard right now! And I can't wait to get back in the race scene this fall!!!

The Road To.....

I am finding myself changing lanes a lot in 2018. In January, I thought for sure that the start of this month would lead me to packing my bags and moving to Bentonville, AR. Then my group got selected to go to Leadville, and I figured it would be more fun to head there for the next few months to train and have fun. I started calling around and making plans on where to stay and ride starting in May. I was going to couch surf my way to Leadville. And then the phone rang.

Starting later this month, I get to begin my career as a firefighter for the Henderson Fire Department. I wasn't expecting this call, I wasn't planning on staying in Indiana. But life doesn't really care about our plans. 

I am known for making impulsive decisions. I wasn't in a great place last year health, emotionally and physically. I put myself into debt by trying to prove I could take care of myself. I shut out people so they didn't have to see me struggle and pushed away the ones who caught a glimpse. I thought last year was hard, but I made it harder on myself. And I wanted to get out. I had a job lined up in Bentonville. I had my apartment packed and Louis prepped for a road trip party. Insert Joyce Hammel who was not about me going from one not great situation to another with no one nearby to help if things really blew up in my face. Which they mostly do.

I came home, I worked to focus on paying off bills and credit cards I had used to pay for bills. I made a dent and that feels good. I am back to being able to train for races without killing myself. Not everything is perfect. I'm still on the strugglebus romantically, but it will pass.

I did my first race of 2018 and felt great about it. It was nice to be on the bike and ride with cool people and pinpoint areas I need to work on to get stronger. I'm still not obsessed with gravel, but it does lead you to some beautiful views. Might as well smile and enjoy it while suffering!

New Year, Same Me

When a new year rolls around, we all seem to get sucked into the mentality that it is time to start making improvements. Most of our resolutions seem to only last for the first few weeks of the new year before we slowly start to abandon them. I have always fallen into that trap, but more of a this year will be better stand point.

I'm really enjoying the new year, same me memes going around. I am not saying that making changes are bad, because they aren't. As humans, we are meant to change and learn. But a new year doesn't mean that you are going to change over night, and I believe that is where we set ourselves up for failure at. The end of the year is a great time to reflect on everything you've done, the new things that you were afraid of doing, the small parts of your day you look forward to, and people you've met. It's also a great time to do a self check up. What do you want to start doing, do you feel happy most of your day?

One of my biggest goals during my end of the year self check up is treating my body and mind better. I have always enjoyed the idea of stretching, and always feel inspired when I see my cat do his own little downward dog pose after napping. However, I am always neglecting that area of my life. I have good days, and I have days where my body feels like a 100 year old lady who has been trapped in a space pod for the last 3,000 years. It is terrible.

I usually do yoga about twice a week, mostly at home through an app, or I tend to go to a class with a friend when we don't talk ourselves out of it during our coffee dates. But we use our bodies every day, and therefore should give it the tlc it so desperately wants. I was given an opportunity to start a 30 day yoga challenge on Jan 2. I like it because it's only 30 minutes or less and just the right amount to make my body happy.

Yoga doesn't just work the body, but it works the mind. 2017 felt like I was in a downward spiral for most of it. When something happened, I went into end of the world meltdowns. It wasn't pretty. I'm taking time to learn to breath and realize that things can be fixed, parts can be replaced, and there is always a solution. I have always felt that breathing and meditating while moving through poses is a great tool to take with me when I face a problem. Understanding and being aware of how one thing I have added to my daily routine has helped in numerous ways is a payoff to keep doing it.

I love this yoga challenge. You can find it on youtube under Yoga with Adrienne. Don't make goals just because a new year is here. And don't just do a self check up because it's the end of the year. Take time every few months to check in on yourself.

Just Ten More Seconds

This has probably been the best advice I was given in 2017, even if it was at the end of the year. I was riding with friends on black Friday doing that whole opt outside thing. It's fun to turn your mind off of training or work and just let you and your bike flow together. We were on this trail that the last time I rode, I had to unclip/put a foot down/just get off the bike 7 times. I hate doing that, but I wasn't focused on how hard technical it might be, I was just riding with my boys and making sure I didn't let there get a gap. I couldn't help but laugh when I cleared stuff that I was like nope before. It's exciting stuff! Frank chimes up behind me with the brilliant words of "it's pretty amazing what you can do when you hang on for just 10 more seconds." I lowered my number from 7 to 4 that day. And just recently lowered it from 4 to 2.

Now that I am a little closer to O'bannon woods, I just want to go play on the rocks and on the Adventure Hiking Trail (AHT). Every time I have hiked that trail, all I could think was how do people ride this, or even want to ride this trail when you probably have to get off your bike and do a lot of hiking. That's not fun. Well, Kayla who gave up all the time, you were wrong! It is a blast to ride a trail that is going to beat the shit out of you and you keep pushing back. Those 10 extra seconds can give a second wind needed to find the better line and make it up a rutted climb with rocks and roots waiting to trap your wheel. Instead of seeing a steep climb and think that's impossible before even beginning it, you start to say fuck I bet I can at least get to this spot on it. Those 10 seconds can help change your view point from a negative to a positive and opens your riding to a whole new level almost.

I always love seeing how mental training in biking can cross over to mental training in life. If we all take 10 more seconds to pause and breath, have more patience, think before judging, we become more open to understanding, enduring more, and not losing our fucking shit all the time. I'm still 1000% learning how to do this. This whole year has felt like I've been trying to hold onto my own strength to keep doing what I love, and I think that because of that struggle, it makes developing mental toughness on the bike a little easier (even though it is still pretty damn hard).

It's nice to be on the side of things where I can start seeing gains again after a year of feeling physically and mentally weak. And every day, if I didn't hang on to a positive thought for 10 more seconds, I would have lost my damn mind to depression and anger while going through chemo and watching all my friends have such great times on their bikes. It's easy to let the negative consume us and give up without really trying. As soon as it gets hard, we tend to just stop and give up. So, whenever you want to give up on that steep climb, that rocky and rooty section, or just getting a ride in at all, give yourself that extra 10 seconds, because at the end of that 10 seconds is another 10 seconds waiting for you to keep going.

2017: The Year That Tried to Kill Me

2017 took a hard left turn in the wrong direction after my last post all the way back in February. Let me break it down for you. 

February: I went to the doctor for a regular old check up and had a full pelvic exam done with some scraping samples sent off. A couple weeks later I got called saying they found a tumor on my ovary that they wanted to get out right away. I decided in my mind that it would be fine and nothing would change. Sitting on a bike saddle sucked. Like, a lot. 

March: My doctor was happy that they were able to get the tumor, but could still see some tiny floating tumors that she wasn't happy about. She wanted to start me on radiation and chemo right away. My tires on my car were all bald and died on a trip to Chattanooga. That same weekend, I crashed my car into a fence and watched a board go right in front of my face. I was fine. 

April: I started chemo. I had 3 appointments throughout the week. Radiation, chemo, radiation. I had a lot of people tell me what to expect with chemo and I was fucking scared out of my mind. I had to participate in a group therapy with other chemo patients once a week. I was always so sore. My chemo appointments lasted about 30 minutes. I got to see a lot of the same people every time I went. My biggest side effects were killer mood swings, not eating food, and throwing up a lot. April was my least favorite month ever. 

May-October: I moved from chemo once a week, to once a month. It was kind of a mind fuck. I would have a pretty normal week, get chemo and be sick and tired for about two weeks and then start to feel okay and then hey look, chemo again. Yay. I was kind of dumb by putting all this pressure on myself to stay fit and healthy. Doing that made me lose my mind while losing my endurance, which really wasn't the most important part of what was happening. But when you are in it, you can't see that shit. You just want to do your normal thing. Oh, I'm not going to die? Okay I'm going to do everything to pretend everything is normal then. 

So, fuck you 2017, you piece of garbage of a year. After going through all of this and taking a moment in therapy to talk about what makes me happy, I realized that I'm ready for a next chapter. Evansville has been fucking great and I have made some lifelong friends, but I want to follow my passion. And I just think that training and riding and living in Bentonville, AR is the next chapter for that. I have 1000% set my mind to this. So I didn't renew my lease on my apartment, I quit my job and I'm living at home saving some money until I go in March. I'm excited, nervous, uncomfortable, freaking out, happy, crying. I am all the emotions, but I am feeling better and healthier and happier. 

If I managed to stay alive and afloat this year, I can basically survive anything. SO watch out world, Kayla Motherfuckin' Hammel has no fears and is coming at you hard!

I Wheelie Like You

February is the month of love and I spent it showing my one true love just how much he means to me! 3 weekends, 3 different races. Lots of riding, lots of friends, and a whole lotta driving, but I wouldn't have done anything different. Don't ever feel bad for doing what makes you happy. I know I could have a whole savings account if I limited myself to one race a month or less, but come on. Who needs a saving account (I now hope my mother isn't reading this because she would be like "you do, Kayla. You need a savings account.")? As long as I am paying my bills and making sure my cat is eating, I can totally justify being out of town every weekend basically (now I hope my cat Louis hasn't been taught to use a computer and to read because he would probably disagree with that statement. Not the being fed part. He eats like a trucker. Side note: what does that even mean? I've always heard that saying, but I can also put food away and I don't think I have ever been a trucker. Back to main side Louis part: he would be like 'hey maybe stay home and pet me for once?' I can't really be sure, neither of us speak a common language and I don't want to put words into his mouth).

The first weekend of February was kicked off with the second race in the MBell TT series. This race doesn't really require a long drive, it's a pretty easy there and back day trip. And we had perfect weather! Started to warm up in my arm sleeves and ditched those right away. I felt pretty strong at the start and just enjoyed the day. There were 16 women who showed up! How awesome is that?! I love actually knowing that I am not guaranteed a top spot. You push harder, hopefully ride smart, and just know that what you laid out there was your best against other people's best. I'm learning that I have to stay focused because I tend to get distracted and forget I am racing sometimes and then I lose pacing and bam! someone is behind you. I do not enjoy feeling panicked during a race. It gets messy!

The second weekend was a long weekend away. We made a mini girls trip out of it, leaving on a Friday morning. I was in charge of a fun day activity, which was originally between the Nashville Zoo and the Chattanooga Zoo. Who knew that cows could be a featured animal at a zoo? Nashville always has surprises! Unfortunately, that zoo lost out even though rumor has it they have a cool playground. Actually the zoo in general lost that day because I forgot about time zones. So last minute idea was to do an escape room! That was a ton of fun and now I know what to expect if I ever do another and hopefully won't lose. There was a big group of Indiana folk who were racing the Snake Creek Cap in Dalton, so there wasn't ever really a dull moment. Between dinners, hanging out, and racing, it was a full weekend. Again, we had great weather to do the Snake 50. That first 20 miles was a blast. And damn, it was so green. My mental game really suffered that day and by the time that I got to the last 17 miles, I kinda was ready to just not be on my bike again. After some persuasion and a lotta fireball, I started back on my bike. I recommend not doing the snake fueled by whiskey. I totally fell off the side of the trail and was only stopped by a tree. Which I felt was fitting and was just going to live there until another racer was like "you should get up" Why are people so nice? I had a lot of feelings. I ended the race with a lot of blood on my leg from that fall that I literally didn't notice until someone pointed it out to me. I have decided that in the future before a super long and hard race, no one is allowed to talk to me at all unless it is to show me cat photos or tell me a joke. That's a new rule. Don't break it! Cat photos and jokes only people!

Weekend three was maybe my favorite weekend. I picked up my co-pilot up Saturday evening and we drove to our airbnb in Alabama with no traffic. None! Not in Nashville, not close to Chattanooga, not even close to Birmingham. Everyone left us alone on the road. So thank you, traffic! Our airbnb could have been the whole trip, and it would have been worth it. I get overly excited about goats and free range chickens apparently. I brain stormed on how to become a roommate (Abby's logic on how to do that was to pay rent. That seemed too easy....) Coldwater was a ton of fun and again, we had perfect weather! We probably did a 10 mile warm up if we count the hill repeats we did while waiting for the race.Look, everyone was doing these road hill repeats. We were basically just following the leader and this is an excellent example of how peer pressure can make you do anything. I also forgot that there were hills at Coldwater because we mainly only found downhills on our warm up. So when I got to that first 4 mile climb, I was thinking of how smart I was earlier that morning to have done hill repeats in preparation! 24 miles of XC riding at Coldwater is no joke! We ended on a one mile climb and came out to a baby gravel climb to the finish line. I was waiting for Abby to literally pop up behind me at the end and have to do a sprint for 2nd, and by sprint I mean slowly turning my pedals and laughing hysterically. The race volunteers and the RD were great people. I really wanted to show Abby Bomb Dog, so we had planned to ride more at the end of the day. I thought that Bomb Dog was on the shorter 8 mile loop, so we went with someone to help clear the course and pedal our tired legs out. We didn't get to Bomb Dog, but we got another 9 miles of an amazing trail in. Now I just have an excuse to go back to Coldwater sometime soon.....

Winter Racing at it's Best

Give me all the warmth right now!

This past weekend I was signed up to do the first race in the Snake Creek Gap Time Trail series. I was planning on killing myself during the 50 mile race from exhaustion, but the weather had different plans for me. Because of snow, the road leading to the start of the 34/50 mile start was impassable making the race directors make the call that everyone would be racing the 17 mile option for the day.

It was cold, but I was comfortable for the whole race on Saturday. My feet nor fingers every got cold, not even at the start of the race. My race started off pretty good. Starting the first climb was pretty easy on fresh legs. I think my biggest road block during this race was thinking I needed to save my legs for the last 8 miles, when in reality I could have pushed harder on some of the earlier climbs and still had enough energy for the wall and for the rock garden. Other than that, I felt strong and I rode well and handled my bike in the snow better than I was expecting.

I learned early in the race that stepping down was going to cause a lot of trouble trying to reclip into the pedals (damn flat pedals and making it look easy). I started practicing riding unclipped and banging my feet against the pedals without getting frustrated and stopping to clean them. I saw a few people sitting on the side of the trail cleaning their shoes out with sticks. I did not want to do that.

I know that this is going to sound like a joke, but I had so much fun during the snake that I couldn't stop smiling. Even when I fell crossing a log on the trail because I was enjoying myself and waving at my friend who was stopped ahead didn't even put a damper on my mood. I just got back on my bike and kept pedaling and smiling. I shaved 50 minutes off that last section from my previous year and ended up coming in 4th out of 19 of all the women who started that day and 102 out of 232 overall riders.

Because we weren't exhausted after the race, my group decided to drive back home. I was scrolling through facebook and seeing people talk about the first race in the winter time trail series made me start thinking that I too should be there on Sunday. I didn't put in as many hours on the bike as I thought I would, so why not? I debated it for the whole way home. I had to wash my warmest layers and make sure my bike was ready, but I also wanted to be lazy. And sleeping in sounded great. And maybe my legs were a little bit tired. However, I insured myself into going to the race by talking someone else into going with me. I am way to smart for myself. *crazy laugh*

Montgomery Bell has a lot of climbs, and it's rooty, and twisty. Of course, I forgot about all of that and could only think of the fun section that has a ton of g-outs that remind me of Scales Lake. And of course Johnson hill (I think that is the name of it). I was living off that rare Snake confidence and was ready to have a great day of racing that I think the Snake gods punished me by making me wait an hour in the cold before my call up time to start. I wasn't cold in the parking lot, but I was freezing when I tried to warm up on the road and on the trail that I debated just staying in the car.

 I started 3rd to last and worked my way past the 9 women early in the course. 5 miles in and I knew that I must have went too hard to last that strong for the next 12 miles. I could see the girl who started in front of me the whole race. That's the thing about Mbell, it's so twisty that you see everyone almost the whole time, but there is no real way to tell where they are compared to you. It can be a mind game if you let it, but in the end you just have to focus on your own race and hope they don't catch you. Which that girl did at mile 8 on a climb. I let her in front and paced myself on her wheel for about three miles. It was fun getting back around her, but I knew I wouldn't last. We passed some volunteers who said we had 5 miles left and I knew right then and there that the pace I had was the pace I was keeping to the end. She got around and my next goal was to not be caught by any one else.

I came in 2nd/11 female riders and was happy with my time and the gap I had on the next finisher. I think going in knowing that I could handle myself in snow made me able to push a little more on the roots and rocks. I'm looking forward to doing this race next month on fresh legs. I'm hoping that the weather is nicer to me and all the other racers for both Mbell and the Snake in February! Thanks to all the volunteers who braved the cold so all us crazy bikers can do what we love. It was a great weekend!



*Most of my photos are from @sheshredsco snapchat story! I plan on doing these for most of my races, so make sure to add them to see what I am up to and what other rad women are doing! And check out sheshred.co/winter for the newest stuff.

Be Hungry

October was a kind month to me. I did Oak Mountain 50 and Race to the Canal. Both of those races I improved my time and noticed a definite improvement on my climbing. I think that setting such a high time goal for Black Bear and failing made me get serious about playing around with my nutrition and how I fuel during the race. I tried different things out after Black Bear during training rides, and settled on infint. I have been so happy with it! I definitely think that I didn't bonk at the last two races because of it.

After taking the month off in November, my first week back on a strict training schedule has made me so hyped for the 2017 season! I learned so much in 2016 and have been able to look at what I did last year and what my goals were and adapt to better myself and push myself to reach my overall goal. It can be lonely training for something specific. Because not everyone is going to be wanting to do the same workout as you. And that means maybe skipping group rides to do hill repeats or intervals. And if you are serious about what you want, then you will say fuck it, I don't care. I am doing what I need to do and either people will support and love me or I will just hang out with my cat for the rest of my life.* 

*I am 100% the latter of that statement*

There are days that I would rather skip a workout and be lazy. Because it's winter and, you know, sleep sounds always better than waking up...but I push myself because I want to better myself. I know that if I don't put in the work right now, then I won't see the results that I want and I won't be any closer to my big goal. I wake up starving for 2017 race season to get here. I fill myself up with training because I want to smash my races. I'm looking at you, Snake 50, because guess what, you don't scare me! Except for you, Snake last 5 miles. You don't scare me, but I know you will rip me up and I am actively preparing myself for when you do, because I am a damn survivor! 

I love this sport. I am excited to wake up and train. I am going to stay hungry every day. #roadto2017

Black Bear Rampage 2016

This past weekend I accomplished my 5th endurance race on the beautiful Tanasi trail system in Ducktown, TN. Couldn't have asked for a more beautiful place to torture myself for 40 miles.

The two weeks leading up to the race, I was feeling great. Every ride was strong and smooth. My body was feeling good. I was recovering fast from rides. If I had been smarter, I would have actually done more than one long endurance training ride before this race. But, my training mind is set up for XC racing and I didn't adapt my training schedule to work with the last minute addition of this race. We all learn from our mistakes.

Race day was here and I was feeling pretty good. I was comparing what I knew about this race to the Snake, and to be honest I thought I was going to have way less climbing to do with a lot more fun single track. Mainly because EVERY PERSON CLAIMS THIS IS THEIR FAVORITE RACE EVER. No one goes to the snake and says that (okay, they might. But they also give you the disclaimer that it is their most favorite, painful and mentally challenging race they do).  Nope. No disclaimers for this one. Just a lot of love. So much love that my mind was temporarily clouded into thinking I was not going to enter any kind of pain cave. But, alas, I found the bottom of my cave during this race and I had to dig deep to try and climb out. P.s. there was definitely crying at 24 miles wanting a golf cart to come get me so I didn't have to climb another mountain or hill or whatever. My legs were burning.

 This is the only smile of mine documented from that race, it was still early folks.

The start of the race is a 2 mile road climb. Everyone recommends to take your time and set your own pace. So what do I do? I hammer up that hill with the lead pack, jumping on the trail behind the women who would finish in 3:30 or less. I mean, if you killed that climb and only had a couple other climbs with a lot of fast downhills and fast single track. Joke was on me. "We are almost to the top. Do you see the white rocks?" became my absolutely most despised sentences I would hear at least 7 times that day. I never want to see a white rock for at least a couple months. 

 We did go down Thunder Rock Express only to have to climb a grueling gravel road to get onto the trail with more climbing. Also, I thought we were halfway done right here. I think we were actually only 14-15 miles into the race at this point. I wouldn't find that out until mile 24 when I thought I had 10 miles left to go.

This was my first endurance race that I've done with the thought of racing, not just finishing. I don't fuel right for long races no matter how hard I try. And I was *very* prepared for this race, it's just that my stomach felt heavy the whole time and I couldn't sallow solids. Mountain biking, or just biking in general, is more about pushing yourself past your limits. When your mind says "No, I can't go any further" is when you decide if you are going to quit or keep pushing. Yeah, I cried on the trail and I wanted to quit. But I was able to pull myself together and keep going. The ending of that race was a lot of fun. That trail was fast, I loathed that tiny climb to the finish though. Rude. 

Now that I have raced an endurance race, I can clearly see my weaknesses and how to better prepare myself. I have one month before Oak Mountain and my training is going to be dialed in and focused, I'm going to explore better fueling options for me (liquid racing diet ideas, anyone?) We don't really talk about our failures because we are embarrassed by them. But they are part of what makes us stronger, makes us learn and grow. 

Look, that face says "seriously? The finish line is on a climb?!? Somebody come murder me right now"

Why Do I Keep Crashing?

My first time ever on a mountain bike was wreck city. If there was a downhill I was tumbling. If there was an uphill, I was falling backwards. If the trail was flat, I was over the handlebars. Why was I crashing so much??  I didn't know body position for climbing or descending. I didn't know how to handle a bike. So a newbie with no skills in riding is going to have trouble staying on the bike.

Flash forward two years from my first ride, and I am currently setting new records for how many times I can slide out from my bike or am on the ground. It's actually kind of frustrating because it's more fun to have a clean run then to have to lose minutes on your strava segment because you fell off your bike again. So, why am I crashing so much right now? I understand body position and my bike handling skills are pretty awesome (I feel confident saying this now that I can operate my bike on the trails with a splint covering two of my fingers). so what's up? I'm going faster. I'm working on skills that I couldn't even imagine doing a year ago. Of course I am going to be crashing some (I also make dumb mistakes so there's that).

War wounds from a wet and slick race at Hamilton Creek

I'm not endorsing wrecking. I'm bad at knowing my limits all the time. If I can see it in mind, I'm going to try it and do it. And part of that thinking has gotten me to where I am as a rider in just two years. But it also makes me ride with a cocky confidence. A cockiness that lands me with a broken pinky midway through my race season. We don't always stand up and just have a couple scratches or bruises. It's a bummer to not be able to ride to your fullest ability or at all. But when you decided to call yourself a mountain biker, you were signing an agreement that your body was going to get beaten and kicked on. Don't forget to give it some TLC.

Instead of being embarrassed or hard on ourselves, we need to keep encouraging each other and breaking out of our comfort zones and working on bettering ourselves and each other. Don't let can't be in your vocabulary.

Back to Back Races

When I decide I am going to do a series, I am doing that series. I can't stand missing one of the races unless I absolutely have to. So when I saw that the two series I am dedicating myself to, DINO (Do Indiana Outside) and the Tennessee Series, had a weekend conflict, I told myself that I could do both. My original strategy was to take the DINO race on Saturday easy, and go full 100% on Sunday. It's not how it exactly played out, but overall I am happy with my performances.

DINO #1 Winona Lake

The first race of the weekend was held at Warsaw, IN at Winona Lake. Warsaw is about 5 hours north of Evansville. So I took Friday off and went up early to pre-ride the course. It was dry and it was fast, which made me excited. However, this race series is not my 'A' race series, it is my 'B' series. I basically am using this series as a training tool for me. DINO doesn't have the same distance for men and women. The women always does a lap shorter than their male counterparts. Which is really annoying to me because we can last just as long if not longer. I find really dumb. But in this case it kind of works for me. Since DINO is not a USAC sactioned series anymore, I am able to move up a cat than what my license is for. Now I am not anywhere close to being a cat 1 racer yet, but to get there I need to be chasing these fast women. And that is what I plan to do. I go the same distance that I would in a cat 2 race, but I am needing to push harder to even want to be a competitor.

Race day nerves kick in as soon as I get to the course Saturday. I warm up and start getting excited. 11 cat 1 racers! Wow that is the biggest field I have ever been in before. I breath and tell myself  to get into the woods in the back. I don't want to blow my legs up. The whistle blows and we are off. I get into the woods 8th. The start in the woods is a little slow and it made me realize that I probably don't want to start for far back if I want to be a real competitor in the future. I lost the top tier pretty fast with a few in front either crashing or slowing the pace and just with the cat 2 men who GOT TO START IN FRONT OF THE CAT 1 WOMEN RACERS. No, it's fine. That doesn't seem dumb at all. Whatever. I got around the girl who started in front of me when she went down about a mile in. But I got passed by the girl who started out behind me. So I kept my placing, but came in 7th only because one of the top women crashed and DNFed.

I went slightly faster than I had intended and was lucky that this course wasn't hilly and technical. Because if it had, my legs would have been even heavier the next day. After the race I jumped in the car and made the long drive back home only to pack my bag and clean my bike for the next day.

Race day #2 at Land Between the Lakes

I knew going into this race that I was going to hit a wall and that my only choice was to push past it as hard as I could. Driving the 2 hours to Grand Rivers, KY, I told myself that my goals were to try and hang on to Christie for as long as I could and to place on the podium. I wasn't sure if I could do either, but I was going to give all that I had to try at least.

Now I'm not sure if she knew what she was doing, but when Christie said she was expecting a sprint at the beginning, it got in my head that I needed to go full out if I wanted to get in a good spot. My original strategy was to go in behind Christie and Abby and just hang on. Instead I got to the woods first and no one was close enough for me to let in. So first in I went. And I got excited and forgot it was wet. So first corner and on the ground I was. I let Abby and Christie in front and jumped back up in front of the next woman because if I wasn't in the top 3 to begin with, no way would I get back to the top 3. I was lucky enough to keep the 2 others in eye shot for about 20 minutes before they started to pull away faster and faster. But I kept pedaling as fast as my legs would let me.

My first lap I had averaged 10 mph. But I knew that I wasn't going to keep that speed the whole time during my second lap. When I was entering the woods for it, someone had told me that the girl in front of me was really close and I could catch them. That fueled me to push and go hard. I found them early on in lap 2 and was excited only to be disappointed to see that it was a cat 1 woman. Not someone I was going to be wanting to hold onto or pass or be next to on the podium. And it made me question where Abby was.

After passing Marsha, I was sure that the person behind me was the 4th place cat 2 woman. I don't know why, but I wasn't seeing pink in the kit, just navy. Which was the color of the stanky creek riders. It made me panic. No way did I just work really hard on the first lap to have not gotten any gap on her. And every time I saw her during a corner, I would pick the pace up and push for as hard as I could until I didn't see her any longer.

I've never gotten cramps during a race or a ride before until this lap. My legs were hurting. And they wanted so badly to stop and rest. LBL isn't a flat course. No the canal loop is climbing, and I knew that if I had to get off my bike and push it up any of those hills, I was done. So when I got to a hill, I cried through the pain. I'm not being playful either. I literally cried. It was terrible. But not once did I ever stop pedaling. Because that girl would just pop back up and make me ride even harder to make up for the slow climb I just did.

The last 3 miles are the toughest. Because you have almost the majority of your hills back to back with no place to keep your momentum going. You are relying on your strength. And when I realized this and that the next racer was close, I cried again. I did not want to lose my spot on the last 3 fucking miles. I would get off my bike and throw it at her if it had happened (okay not really but I would have been slightly sad). I started out the first climb and boom, there she is. And I started to panic and tried to push until I felt vomit in my mouth from overexerting. I took a breath and just called out, "please tell me this is Marsha who is behind me." "Yes, it's me." The sweetest answer I heard. I took another deep breath and kept on climbing.

LBL wasn't all about skills or speed. That was probably my first lap. It became about strength and mentality on the second. As long as I said I could, I did. If my mind was I can't, then I wouldn't have finished. I would have stopped on the 3 sisters climb, laid down and died on the side of the trail. I was so happy to have finished with my goal of placing 3rd. My body is strong and I love it for not stopping.

New bike vs Buyer's remorse

I love my bike. It's a 26er Cannondale SL trail bike. It has been kinder to me than I have to it. However, it's time to update the bike to something faster and lighter. A year I have been procrastinating this purchase. Mainly because I am only 25 and poor.

^ Me on a regular basis 

I'm now on a shop team that wants their riders to promote Trek, the brand that they sell. When I first heard this, I kind of laughed. No way can I afford a new bike. And do I even like Trek? Because popular opinion in my community is that Treks suck it seems. I don't want to be a newbie loser. The more that I looked into different Treks and saw pros like Rachel Atherton and Emily Batty riding them, who was I to say I'm too good for them? Plus they have some pretty awesome bikes. But no. I am still too poor to buy a $3,000 bike. I'm not going to do it. 

Cut to a couple months later and now I'm struggling with do I want the Superfly or the Procaliber? The first is cheaper, but the second is the better choice. And sure I get a discount off the bike, but do I want to spend close to $2,500 vs $1,500? I need to make the smarter choice. I was all about to order the Superfly when a mentor told me that this was a 3-4 year investment. Get the better bike. 

Tomorrow I go pick up my new bike! And I am so excited, but I am also freaking out. I have a credit card bill to add to my monthly bills. My parents loaned me the rest I didn't get approved for with the understanding I would make payments to them every month. What. In. The. Fuck. Did. I. Get. Myself. Into?!?!?!?! 

I got myself into a sweet ass race bike. The bike I have now is good, but this bike can help me go to the next level of riding and racing. And I am ready for the next level. Does it mean that I am going to be getting lazy in my training and workouts? Absolutely not. It's going to motivate me to work harder and smarter. To have more fun chasing my faster riding partners and working hard to catch the racer in front of me. 

Thanks Mr. Cannondale for making me have to work harder for the past year. You have definitely made me stronger and better. You have been wonderful and I won't ever forget you. Because who could forget their first official mountain bike?!  

Chickasaw Trace Classic XC 2016

Race season is officially here! This is only my second year racing and now I semi know what I am doing. I actually trained for racing during the winter. I read books, I sought advice, I did the things. So there I was, a week out, freaking myself out. Did I do the things right? Am I going to be able to compete with these ladies? I might have done really well last year, but I also raced solo or with one other person, which doesn't mean I pushed hard all the time? Can I ride hard for 18 miles? All these questions just hitting me as I lay awake in bed, pretending to be resting. I went back and forth between I am going to suck to I am going to win to I'm just going to try and finish.

A few day leading up to the race, I started my strava stalking of my competition. Someone who has been training incredibly hard. I looked up the past race times of her laps at this course. Faster than what I have ever done 9 miles. But, it gave me a place to start setting goals. I knew that I wanted to do both laps between 55-65 minutes. I knew that I wanted to place towards the top of the crowd. I was used to racing in races where cat 2 drew maybe 1 or 2 women, 3 if it was a popular trail. Once I raced 9 women in an open category and that was awesome!

The day before, I frantically ran around my apartment packing my kit, shoes, helmet, food for pre-,during, and post race. I washed and lubed my bike. I became mentally prepared for race day. At that point, I had done all the training I could for that race. No way could I go do a workout and get 10x's better before it. I had to breath and relax and ride my race.

It was a beautiful day on Sunday, before the start of my race. It was sunny and warm when riding. My pre ride felt great. It made me feel a little too cocky for what was to come. I was hitting the technical stuff, I was conering good, and my legs felt great. I was prepared to get the hole shot into the woods and just ride away from the other women, who I knew where really strong riders. And I did just that, well, the first part. I got the hole shot into the woods. I was aggressive, but 2nd place was on my ass and I worked to try and pull away from her. I got a good gap on the rock garden climb. And again on the rocky flat area where I was able to sprint and she fumbled in the rocks. But my conering was nowhere ready to allow me to keep the gap. Where I lost speed, she gained. I could hear her and it was getting to me. Finally I told her to let me know when she wanted around, and soon I was trying to hold on to her wheel as she just effortlessly flew around the tight turns.

I looked behind me to see where 3rd place was. Maybe I could come in 2nd. Which would be a surprise because 3rd place was who I was thinking would blow me out of the water. I couldn't see her. And I could feel my legs protesting against the high speeds I was asking them to keep. I slowed my breathing. Focusing on trying to keep 1st in sight as she grew smaller and smaller. I was 6 miles in when I could see that my speed was slowly decreasing. I looked behind me and there was 3rd place only about 30 seconds behind. I pushed harder to keep at it, and when I looked behind me again, I stupidly went off the trail just a little and hit my front tire off a log, making me come unclipped and have to stop. There goes 3rd place, now 2nd and me trying to hurry up and stay on her wheel. Which I did, for a mile until I flipped over my handlebars on a rocky descent. Now the gap I was working so hard to not let get big, just increased by a minute probably. I jump back on my bike and chase after her. But I lose sight of her not long after the crash.

When I get back to the start, I see that my time is at 54:49. I have completed one small goal of mine. I have done 9 miles under 55 minutes. And yes, I had another 9 miles to go, but that first part didn't seem like it took forever like I thought it would. So I gained a little confidence in myself and started to push again. When I got to the rock garden climb, I was told that I had closed the gap by 30 seconds. So I started riding as hard as I could again. I want to try and catch her if I could. Even if I couldn't pass her, I wanted to at least have her in my sights.

That never happened. My legs weren't going to climb as fast as they did that first lap. I probably added 20+ seconds to every climb I did that second lap. Even the flat sections started to feel longer and harder. I knew that I had to keep going if I wanted to place 3rd. I had one girl behind me (or so I told myself, we did have 4 registered, but I only started with 3. However, I knew the 4th girl was somewhere close to the starting line when we left). I didn't want to get beat after having worked that hard.

I wanted to finish the race in 1:50, but I finished in 1:55:56. I finished my second lap in one hour and 13 seconds. So I did complete my goal of finishing both laps between 55-65 minutes. And I was happy about that. I also saw areas that I had improved in. For example, I am faster than I was a year ago. My overall endurance has increased. However, I also saw areas I needed to improve on: speed for endurance, cornering at higher speeds, and just continuous climbing. I am proud of how I did. Finishing 3rd was awesome. But next time I went to be faster, better, and stronger. I have 3 weeks before my next race, and you better believe that I will be training even harder until then. 

The Snake Creek Gap Time Trials 2016

One of my goals for this year is to become a better climber, and what better way to do that then to do one of the hardest endurance races with over 5,000 feet of climbing? The Snake Creek Gap TT is a 2 race series with options of 50 miles, 34 miles or 17 miles that take place during January and February. It used to be 3 races with just 34 miles or 17 miles, but they decided to go a little crazy and add more miles to an already crazy race. Under the better judgement from a friend, I decided to go for the 34 miles as my first introduction to the race. Because if I am going to do something, I'm going to do it. And since 34 miles had been the norm option for the past 10+ years, that's why I went for it.

In preparation for this, I started doing hill repeats once a week. I would do about 12 miles and get about 1200 ft of climbing in. Probably should have done way more. Like maybe hill repeats twice a week and maybe double the distance. But I did what I did. I climbed standing, I climbed sitting. I climbed in higher gears than I would have normally climbed in. And I would like to think that by doing that, I added a little more strength to my climbing muscles.

In rolls January and the Snake is in my face. What have I gotten myself into? I've been given detailed reports of what the race will be like, I have watched videos of others doing the race, and I had registered. So as ready as I could be, I set off for Dalton, GA with my cycling buddy who signed up to ride with me.

Here's the thing about riding a race with someone who is more experienced and faster than you, it can get in your head. Are you going to hold them back? Of course you. Are they going to be a little upset about it? Maybe, but maybe not. They might be able to provide you support and a security blanket of knowing you won't be riding alone ever, but it is not your personal race anymore. It's a shared race and you will go through a series of love and hate for that person. Love because they are really great at being there for you, hate because you can't rest as long as you want or need because you have noticed that they have been waiting on you way longer than you would have liked.

January I made some mistakes. I started off a little too fast. Pushed myself a little harder than I should have. I killed my legs faster than I would have liked to. The start of the snake isn't very difficult. It's actually the flattest part you will ride before you even start climbing. After about a mile of fire roads, you get about 2 miles of gravel roads with climbing. I really started losing my partner on those climbs and that made me push even harder. So 3 miles in, and I'm already pushing myself to the max to keep up.

The snake is notorious for having bad weather. But not this one! It was a dark warm day. And I started out dressed a little too warm. Before we entered the woods, we stopped to take off layers. Entering the woods, I barely went a bike's length before I needed to get off and start pushing. Ugh the embarrassment! However there were quite a few people off their bikes, so that was comforting. 4 miles in and I was already pushing and unsure if I was going to be able to get back on a ride.

The gravel descent was a blast! It ended too soon. And then another climb in a beautiful pine needle infused trail. Again, I was off pushing before I even began riding. But the descent was welcomed. I let off the brakes and just flew down hitting what jumps I could. I told myself as long as I could do that, I was doing okay.

We didn't stop at the 14 mile sag stop. I knew I should have stopped and eaten food before we kept going. I had planned on that. But when my partner said that we could keep going, I felt like I could. I wanted to keep going. And at the beginning of that sag stop was more climbing, or walking for me. "This isn't even that bad," my buddy said as she waited for me. My legs laughed at that. Maybe not to her, but to me I was doing more than I had ever done before.

You have 8 miles to go after the second sag stop. 8 miles! Sounds easy, right? Nope. It felt like another 16 miles. So many rocks. The wall! The wall! Dangerous downhills, and a 2 mile big rock garden until you finally make it to the tower and start your way to the road finish. I almost cried so many times during this 8 miles. So. Many. Times. I didn't have the energy to ride any rocks. Climb anything. I was so tired. I wanted to die. When we found the tower, I was ready to sell my bike and die. Finishing felt great, I was ready to be done with the torture.

February was a whole different story. I was more prepared because I had ridden the trail once. But I was doing this race solo, and I was extremely nervous about it. This was my first endurance race completely solo (minus the hundreds of racers who would be around me obviously). I didn't sleep very well the night before. I woke up panicked thinking I missed my alarm.

   It was much colder this race. I know this because my water stayed frozen the whole time basically. Which makes hydrating very difficult. I started out the race with the mindset that I wanted to beat my time, but also ride everything better and smarter. I paced myself at the beginning. Instead of pushing, I just rode my bike. I wanted to have legs for that last 8 miles.

Everything seemed to come faster than last time. The first 14 miles kind of went by quicker than last time. my biggest mistake was going the wrong way and having to climb back to start another grueling climb. I stopped and warmed up. Held my water by the heater so I could drink. I ate my bonks bonker. I opened my shot blocks so I could eat some between the first sag stop and the second sag stop.

Starting up that climb that I had to walk last time, I breathed and just kept pedaling smooth strokes. No walking on that part. Between last month and this month, I felt stronger. I was doing good. Again the 10 miles between sag stops was faster than I remembered. I stopped to eat a gel and drink and back at it I went.

Those rocks had nothing on me this time! I was picking good lines and not having to get off my bike. That dangerous downhill? I had no fear, which lead me to having a small crash but it was graceful. The wall? Still sucked, but I rode up almost 1/4 before giving up and pushing my bike up the rest. The last 2 miles? Felt like 5 miles, but not as terrible. That road descent? So happy to see it!

I shaved 12 minutes off my time. I succeeded in both of the goals I had set for myself. I beat my last month's time and I rode the trail much better and smarter. Walking away with a sweet ass trophy was icing on the cake! Thank you, snake for torturing me and giving me the chance to work hard at something and see progress! Maybe I will come back next year! If the weather is as nice! A girl can dream :)